I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
