some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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