So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
