Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
