oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
