The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
