I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
