He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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