it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
