my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
