your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
