Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
