i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
There's even glitter on my cock...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
