So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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