Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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