Small penises have feelings too.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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