Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
