Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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