Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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