i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
