Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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