Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
