i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I fill condoms, not promises.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
