i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She even gives head with a lisp.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
