Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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