we have pet lesbian snakes
So drunk its hurt
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
