either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
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They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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