I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
