I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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