just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
