Why is your signature on my underwear?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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