I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
4 words: hood of his car
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
