did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need moral support for this bender
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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