it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
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Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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