Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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