There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
