WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
