Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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