Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
