Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
