Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Randomize
