You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
