I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Less talking, more tequila
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
