It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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