today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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