Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
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He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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