just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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