Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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