i was born a porn star she said
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
