they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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