and you said cock pushups were impossible
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize