Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
