You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
