I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
