I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I need moral support for this bender
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
