Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
