I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
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If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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