If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
