I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
