I'm so fucking centered right now
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
