Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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