she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
