I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
