operation harelip BJ is a go
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We were destined to go to rehab together
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
