i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
