He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
as a side note pls kill me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
