I wish my penis had an off switch
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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