U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
