sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
